ROOTED IN LOVE, LIT BY PRESENCE

They are the energetics that live within all of us. Each of us has a varying degree of each. The stillness and the expression. The direction, and the flow. The logic and the emotion. Consciousness and energy. Logos and eros.

We took a look at your Instagram accounts, and it seems you have everything figured out! Tell me, what are the struggles of leading women and men to a better, more fulfilling frequency?

Nic: We all know social media is a lie. I know the theory; I know what the perfect man and partner should do and should say. And I am the first to admit that I get it wrong. I never claimed to be perfect, and I think, unfortunately for Sarah, that may have come with a bit of disappointment! I'm just a guy on a mission to heal and be better than I was. And at some point, people started to follow and ask questions.

Sarah: Actually, the real Nic is so much more amazing than the IG one! Well, as someone in a leading position, you get projections. You become someone's sister, mother etc. You have to be solid in your energy and boundaries. Some clients are attracted to the shine of the divine feminine path, then find out it's strong, brutal! The path of love is brutal. It will ask you to release anything that is not love, and expand your embodiment of all textures of love. It's a powerful path. And it's not for the faint of heart.

Speaking of love, what did you feel when you first looked at Atlas, your baby son?

Nic: I was not able to be fully in the moment as he was birthed. I was having issues with the way the hospital staff was running things and I was in full protector mode trying to make sure Sarah was ok and he was ok. The whole thing was a blur. Now? The greatest love I have ever experienced that grows more and more every day. Wild. Truly wild experience.

Sarah: Yes, I was just happy I pushed him out and that he was healthy. I realised that overnight, our whole life had changed.
That the way we saw the world had completely shifted. That's the initiation into parenthood.

Did you both always want to become parents?

Nic: Deep down yes. But there were certainly phases. And I am so grateful it didn't come earlier. I have worked on myself and my nervous system diligently for 10 years, and I have never been stretched more than in fatherhood. I at least now have the tools to handle it in a healthy way.

Sarah: Yes. I told Nic early on I wanted to have a family, marriage and children and if that wasn't for him, to let me go. I'm a fan of owning (the frequency of) your deepest longings, so life can meet you with them.

What's something your baby has taught you that you never expected to learn?

Sarah: He teaches me that I'm more patient than I knew. As a woman with a mission, I thought it would be more difficult to create the space he deserves. Yes, parenting can be relentless. Yet, I've found the transition softer than l'd expected. I feel I was made to be his mama and - God willing -
to another little soul in the near future.

What has been your toughest moment as a parent so far, and how did you navigate it?

Nic: Being told at lam on a friday night when he was 5 days old that if we didn't hook him up to a drip of antibiotics for a week and operate on his spinal cord, that he might die. I knew fatherhood would be hard, but fuck. That was punchy. We navigated it the best we could. I think the intensity and pain of that moment might still be in my system though.

Sarah: This is still unpleasant to talk about. I had a touch two-day birth. Then five days after that, having a doctor tell you your son may have meningitis and is in danger. The feeling of receiving the greatest gift of your life, then that being at stake, I couldn't bare it. Eventually, they operated him five days after that. When he was out of surgery (and danger) I collapsed. It took me weeks to soften my body out of survival.

What does a "normal" day look like for your family?

Playing with Atlas in bed. A stroll outside. Making breakfast/ coffee. Taking turns to work/take calls/ create content/ guide our communities. Cooking many meals. Early bedtime with Atlas. Often Nic works a bit more. Much banter, deep chats and kisses in between. This is, when Nic is not traveling for work.

What's your advice for new parents?

Nic: Take it easy. You are both sleep deprived. Be generous. Generous with love, generous with energy and generous with time.

Barbara: In my opinion, everyone should be respected for their choices, especially women when it comes to the birth of their baby. Whether it's natural, in water, in salt, in flowers, in the hospital, at home, with drugs, without drugs, in a shark cage, on an iceberg— whatever ;) !

How was your special day, and what choices were the most challenging?

I aimed to give birth at home and practiced hypnobirthing, which did not go as planned. The first 26 hrs, we were at home together. When my contractions were as frequent as every 3-4 mins, the midwife came. She told me I had hardly dilated.

By that time, I was exhausted, screaming like a wild woman, and started to feel helpless. The midwife left, told me to take paracetamol and said she'd come back later. Looking back it was a rather strange course of events and not in tune with the severity of my contractions and pain. The hardest decision was to let go of 'needing to birth at home and ask to be taken to the hospital. I'm glad I did and chose what felt safest for my baby and I. Nic and I were a great team, he was so present and supportive. Atlas was born 12 hrs after that.

"I learned very early on, that the relationship needs to be the number one priority. It makes everything else in life easier, better and more full of love." – Nic

What do you think is the main difference between old-school families-our parents and the generations before them-and the so-called modern family?

We are the first generation to have 24 hour access to an infinite array of healing modalities and alternate opinions of information. Our parents were the direct descendants of war, and their parents were directly or indirectly involved in war. And typically what they were taught and how they were raised was passed down without question. We are blessed to be able to understand the impact of intergenerational trauma, and have the means to heal it. As well as the ability and resources to question what we are told. At some point, sleep training was considered a healthy thing to do. So was smoking.

Your lovely baby boy has a stunning name, Atlas (I will steal that name if lever have more kids, by the wayl). What is the meaning of his name?

His full name is Atlas Orion Warnaar Warner. Atlas was the first king of the ancient civilisation, Atlantis. Orion, after the system of stars he comes from. And the fact that we have the same last name, it would be a waste to not give him both!

Yes! It is very curious and cool that you guys "almost" have the same last name! How was it the first time you laid eyes on each other?

Nic: We actually met for the first time 14 years ago in Berlin. My ex-wife and Sarah worked together. And if I was born a girl, my name would have been Sarah Warner. So I remember thinking... Ha. A hot woman with my name. Interesting... But it was another 11 years before we saw each other again. Needless to say, the next time I saw her I knew I was in trouble.

Sarah: I thought he was very interesting, so l always remembered Nic. He was also married, so I left it at that. Till our paths crossed again many years later.

Would you consider yourselves soulmates? Twin flames? Or do you prefer not to label it?

Nic: I have no label or interest in one. There are so many variations of what those things mean. We began chatting a few months prior to us meeting up again to try and organise a retreat together. I knew deep in my bones, almost two months before we saw each other, that she would be my wife and mother of my child. And that never shifted. So whatever that means.

Sarah: We have a strong soul-connection yes. A dharmic path to walk together, without a doubt.

How do you guys find time for one another? How do you keep the romance, sex, love, laughter, and partnership alive?

Nic: I learned very early on, that the relationship needs to be the number one priority. It makes everything else in lite easier, better and more full of love. My theory around intimacy and parenthood was often questioned by parents before I had children. "Just wait till you have kids!" I believe that the biggest killer of intimacy with new parents is not a lack of time but a lack of polarity. Energetically speaking, the mother naturally embodies more of the structure, protection, organization (which is a more masculine energy.) And unless the father steps up his game, the desire in the relationship will very quickly diminish. Sure, we do not have sex as often as we used to. But our relationship is sexy as hell. The desire is always there. So, the moment there is space, we can take advantage of it.

Sarah: Nic's answered the question greatly. The only thing I'd like to add is that I believe it's important to be clear on your devotional pole in the relationship. This means - as I'm more devoted to the feminine pole - that it's more my responsibility to tend to that pole in our union. Just as Nic is devoted and tends to the masculine pole.

This does not mean we do not alternate poles, yet we're always quietly aware when the poles switch. If your deepest desire is for presence to press into you, to soften into someone's leadership and be more in your heart's expression and emotion than holding the energy and vision, your deepest longing is for the feminine pole. This means keeping my heart's emotions and expression open, so the relationship stays 'juicy' and nourished He, as masculine, then comes in with his consciousness to guide that field. If I close, the relationship becomes barren and dry.

So, the devotional feminine path and keeping your heart open, expressing from invitation and revealing, not complaining and lack, That's the real work. The true path of living as embodied love. I have a strong masculine energy in my work, but in some ways, I relax when I'm around Nic. For the sake of our union. Honoring my feminine pole is not about what I can do, but about who I am in my deepest essence, which is a womb-centred receptive, feminine being.

With so many roles-mentors, parents, space holders-how do you protect your own energy and avoid burnout?

Nic: That's a great question. It hasn't happened yet, so whatever it is must be working. Ask me once the second baby comes.

Sarah: Hiring a PA/VA in my business has been necessary. I've noticed my business and my field widening a lot, which teaches me stronger boundaries again and again. I can't be accessible to everybody all the time any more. Also, every time I hit an edge and things feel like a lot (like little sleep, big client processes and Atlas in a mood), I remind myself to breathe, to smile and ask: 'How can I surrender more to this moment?' As a parent, you have to take things day by day. One thing that always guides and holds me is my connection to my feminine essence. I remind myself every time I'm too much in go-go mode and in my head, to sink back into my spine, down into my belly, and live from that receptive place. More responding, less doing.

Sarah, you're from the Netherlands, and Nic, you're from Australia. Were there any cultural differences you had to get used to in order to make your relationship work?

Nic: Not really. We are both quite international. Moving to Amsterdam from Berlin was an easy choice. Dutch people are super kind and wonderfully happy. Now we are just looking to find a home more in nature.

Sarah, what was your dream when you were a little girl?

I wanted to become a model, an artist and live in Amsterdam and NYC.l also dreamed of the universe and why we're here and what it's all about. Looking back, I manifested all of that.

How did life change and transform after that dream?

In my early twenties, after my first years of international modeling, I started developing body dysmorphia, eating disorders and severe disembodiment. My healing journey brought me from the superficial feminine to the deep feminine path. Looking back, it all feels aligned. All is a teaching and re-direction onto the path of soul.

Modeling also brought me wonderful travels, expanded my skills as a poet and painter and made me a worldly woman. The relationship to my body is much more loving now.

"I'd want my fellow sisters to know they were made to feel it all, and can transmute any ache into art." – Sarah

Sarah, you are truly an inspiration, not just for mothers but for women everywhere. As a space holder, model, mentor, and mum, what is the message you ultimately want to pass on to your fellow sisters?

Thank you. I'd love women to awaken to their true power, their deep feminine receptive essence. I'd like them to live from their heart and womb and trust its expression and guidance. I'd want them to know they were made to feel it all, and transmute any ache into art. I'd want them to offer their gifts fully, to live in connection to the divine, to know how nourished, loved, held and protected they are and come back to the power of sisterhood. I'd like them to liberate and awaken the world by their raw heart-led expression and understand that the feminine is always creating what we believe or not believe, to understand we set the field. We are that powerful. And, have fun and play while we're at it!

A lot of people have labels for what it means to be a man. Nic, what does being a man mean to you?

It has changed a lot over time. Anybody can embody traits that are considered more masculine. And age certainly has nothing to do with whether or not you are a man. There are plenty of older guys still psychologically stuck in boyhood. But I noticed that transition in me from boyhood to manhood, when I began to take on greater responsibility. Expanded my capacity to hold more energetically. Shifted my awareness to live a life in service to something greater than myself. And by learning to become a deeper transmission of consciousness.

Through your practice, you teach men about archetypes. Can you take us through those archetypes a bit so our readers can start to understand them?

According to Carl Jung, the are four mature masculine archetypes or energies that exist in all men. Each has positive traits, as well as dominant and passive shadow traits. King, warrior, magician and lover are the four main ones. Everything we do in life can be attributed to the embodiment or lack of, one of these archetypes.

Sarah, we as women also have archetypes. Can you talk a bit about that?

Archetype means 'original pattern or model. Archetypes are patterns of energy that run through the collective subconscious and are ultimately a part of us all. They are a beautiful gateway into opening certain parts of us. For instance: The Angel of Light, The Dark Priestess, and so many more. Which one do you already embody? Which one are you called to expand into? We can find where they feel true for us, and expand them through devotion, dance, singing, love-making, practice, ultimately making us broader women.

What is polarity work?

The way we work with it, it is the practice of deeply embodying the energetics that exist within us. Regardless of gender, when two people embody complimentary energies, you can feel the power that exists when we switch our minds off and get into our bodies. It's also a beautiful way to reflect back to our patterns, our wounding, our shadows and our hang ups.

And what about breathwork?

Breathwork can be any practice where you have awareness of and an intention for the breath.
The breath is the most powerful tool we have access to. By far.

How do you feel men and women change after attending your retreats?

They experience a new way of life and of realting. They get a chance to look at and heal really deep wounds that impact them perhaps more than they realise.

Is there a specific type of person who can attend your retreats?

Nic: Any and all are welcome. Unless of course it is a men's only retreat, in which case it is bring your own penis.

Sarah: I invite in women with a reasonable amount of stability and who're ready to practice at their edge. Otherwise, all women welcome!

Tell us the honest truth, was there ever someone in your circles that you thought was a lost cause?

Nic: I honestly don't think anyone is a lost cause. I just think some people are not ready in this lifetime, to be able to truly see how they are creating their reality. And until we can acknowledge that, we repeat patterns and blame others and call it fate.

In your perfect vision, what would you want people to take away from your teachings?

Nic: To see that at the core of their being, they are enough and that they are loved.

Sarah: Yes. That they are whole, gifted and held already. To grow from enoughness, not our programmed belief of never being quite enough. That returning to your inherent feminine or masculine essence and capacities makes you a powerful person, as it brings you back to who you are. To live from the heart. To honor the power of union. To inhabit our body fully. To make the sensual sacred again. That we are not victims, but powerful beings with the ability to create our own realities. To play, sing, dance and be wholly turned on by life.

Is there a dream you still wish would come true?

Nic: My oldest dream is still to build a cabin in nature. The bigger dream is for initiated men and women to hold positions of power across the world.

Sarah: We're looking to move to nature and community. Another baby. The greater dream to awaken the force of the feminine on the entire planet in everyone's heart + for the corrupt veils to drop and people to awaken to their true nature.

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about lemons?

Nic: My morning drink. Hot water, salt, lemon, shilajit.

Sarah: My (two) sisters and I would bite into lemons as kids. The one whose face would react most to the bitterness had to do the dishes!

As their days flow between stillness and play, devotion and delight, Nic and Sarah show us that rich family life isn't about pertection but intention. It's about pausing long enough to notice the sun on your skin, a child's giggle, and the power of a shared glance. Whether teaching, parenting, or simply being, they're living proof that the most magical lives are those built with presence, passion, and heart.

@sarahwarnaar
www.thelempleofthefeminineflame.com

@nicwarner
www.nicwarner.com

Follow this link to read the article online in the Lemon Magazine digital edition.